wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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