Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
