i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
