Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
