a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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