Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
