He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
