someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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