I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
