I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I had to cum in my sink.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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