wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
