So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
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She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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