So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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