The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
