you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
