He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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