Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
