I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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