If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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