i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
