things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
