goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize