I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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