i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
