so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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