allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
