so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I am one with the molecules
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
