This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
