shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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