Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
