so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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