a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
