Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
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I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
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If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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