If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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