At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
