remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
