there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
