Whod you bang
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
