I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
