no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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