I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
