I got chris browned last night
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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