so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
