i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize