We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
