Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
