Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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