You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She needs sedatives and a leash
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
