I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude i'm inner monologue high
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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