What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
