Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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