Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
