I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dignity is for republicans.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
