she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
