Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
