dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
