Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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