His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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